warning: avert your eyes if you are morally opposed to evil snarkiness

Since I can’t be there with my sisters tonight, sitting in the audience and commenting on the rare triumphs and numerous gaffes at Miss Delaware preliminaries, I shall content myself with select comments on the contestant pictures from their homepage.

Ok, I’ll be honest. The fact that she dressed up as Pretty Woman for last year’s parade notwithstanding, Amber is a nice person, or so I’m told. However, her hair in this picture worries me just a little. She could hide a small child in there. Or maybe a large bribe. Oh! I know! Her spare tap outfit–just in case it goes missing, ala Drop Dead Gorgeous.

Snaps on her name (Laura) but, um what’s up with the expression? You can just see her thinking, “I hope I win I hope I win I hope I win.” Not a big fan of the hair, either. A bit too much like Miss Delaware 2004’s. Of course, poor girl, she might not have known that it was seriously bad hair and so she didn’t know not to model her current look on that trend.

Um, photoshop, anyone? Unfortunately these retouchers aren’t as good as the ones that work on Brittany Spears but still–there’s a reason you save a copy of the original image, so you can tell if you’ve done too much. And if the facial skin is beginning to look as though it’s been grafted on from a grayish peach? Yes, that’s too much.

Give the girl credit–she’s only won one pageant, and this is her first Miss Delaware. That does not, however, excuse her for picking as her official picture one in which she looks demented! Possesed! Seriously evil! OR one in which she has frizzies. I’ll stop there, though, because I’m beginning to feel mean. What if these poor girls read this? They might be devastated. Or they might dismiss this as the ravings of a lunatic who’s jealous that she never got to compete in the wondrous, showstopping loveliness that is the pageant system. Do the latter, girls. It will be better for your mental health.

This is my favorite one. She looks like an Oompa Loompa! Complete with the snazzy little jumpsuit! I think if I were that brown I might choose makeup hues that gave me color instead of making me the shade an autumn leaf.

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~ by wildeyedwonder on June 9, 2006.

One Response to “warning: avert your eyes if you are morally opposed to evil snarkiness”

  1. haha…miss peachmask is the funniest thing I’ve seen for a long, long time.
    very funny stuff,
    love,
    elisa

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