once I was starry-eyed

I was going to change the world. I was going to study law, graduate, get a job on The Hill, be an aide, eat, breathe, live politics.
And then I figured out that politics may change environments, but they don’t change hearts. I couldn’t live in an atmosphere where compromise is the name of the game, where decisions are framed according to “what’s best for the party” instead of what’s best for the individual, where every choice is shaded with grey. I don’t think I could handle starting over with new staff every few years, having to listen to those who give the most money, being blamed for natural disasters.
So now I’m going to be a pastors wife. Go figure. I’ve traded in dreams of public acclaim and public accountability for public disregard and, oh, public accountability. I didn’t want to raise my kids in the limelight, so I’ll raise them in a fishbowl instead. I won’t have reporters eager to share my failures, instead, I’l have church members eager to pass along any indiscretion. All for a much smaller paycheck.
I guess I’m not very idealistic about what it means to be in ministry.
That’s ok. This is what I’m called to do; this is who I’m called to be. And if one person sees Christ more clearly, then nothing else matters. For what is it worth, the soul of a man? It’s worth my life, my reputation, everything I can give. For you see, I was worth everything He could give.

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~ by wildeyedwonder on October 19, 2005.

3 Responses to “once I was starry-eyed”

  1. Great outlook. I have seen so many pastors wives get burned out so early and end up doing something drastic because they think they have to be perfect because the are a pastors wife. You’ll be one of the awesome ones that people remember for the rest of there lives because you have that relistic outlook and you’ll touch many with it. Being a pastors wife is one of the highest callings ever, I stand in awe of those that take on that calling. Good luck and God bless.

  2. and you’ll likely be much happier in your fishbowl than I am in my concrete utopia.

  3. Your faith is refreshing, and knowing what you are getting into is definitely most of the battle,I’d imagine. As you said, though, and as I believe, we all have a purpose in this life for Him, given to us by Him. And the very best testament to anyone seeking Christ is a family that loves God and doesn’t pretend to be perfect, but strives to please God. Even King David himself, in all his influence- look at the mistakes he made and how God recovered him. I definitely don’t envy the job of Pastor’s wife, but you have the right idea- if just one person comes to Christ because of your influence… then you are not only doing your job because of your husband’s occupation, you are doing what Christ called all of us to do regardless of our position in life.

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